weaning

26th August 2007
It will be a month tomorrow since I have been away from home, the longest ever in my life. I still live in a sense of surrealism where none of this actually my life..(as Joydeep Roy says in 15 park avenue),it seems like I have entered someone else’s reality and imagine the irony I have entered that very Joydeep Roy’s reality!! I feel like I am on one of my work trips out of Delhi and this surely is not a permanent state of being. But last night’s melodrama at a family gathering was a shot in the stomach to throw me off the cliff..like one of those Alice in wonderland falls… the next bang came today when I realized that mom-dad have left behind Manas at Calcutta. They are on their way to the airport to fly to our home...where we will no longer be found. They will come to an empty house with those same familiar walls. The yellow of our bedroom will I suppose still call out to them with the same lethargy as we did… My family today is in three different places and very soon the third will be even further away with the yellow walls staring in disbelief…

as i walked away from home

6th August 2007
Walked back home (the new home) today trying to absorb the city or get absorbed in its crowd...was partly successful… the city of dreams has its own sense of alienation and amalgamation.. I have taken a big leap of faith and have moved away from home and everything else that I have ever been familiar with… I don’t know if this is that one move which will shape my life. It may or may not be but I know for sure this will shape the person I will be in the coming years..undoing a lot of what I have been till now..

Its strange how freedom is such an illusion...it comes with a deep deep sense of responsibility…