jaati dhoop shahar ko kai naye rangon mein rang gayi..
aasamaan laal hai aur neeche behta paani aasaman ke rang ka ho gaya.
oonche pahadon par kahin kahin dhoop ab bhi bikhri hui hai. aaspaas ke ped yun lagta hia jaise ko dhaanp kar sone ki taiyaari kar rahe hain.
jyon jyon raat ugegi, shaharwale chadar taan kar so jayenge aur parchhhaiyaon ki satta jamegi.
yun lagta hai jaise chand ki chandni is pani par jaise wark chadha degi.. aaj raat chakh kar dekhoongi!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Sannata
Bahut der tak aawaz aati rahi ,"utho, chalo, aage badho,ruko mat", jaise kisi kaafile ka sardar apni toli ko rookhe registaan ke paar le ja raha ho. Par kuchh waqt se to koi aawaz nahi sunai di, lagta hai ret ke samandar mein sardar aur uska kaafila doob gaya.
Hawa bhi kuchh yun chal rahi hai ki kuchh hilta hi nahi..sab kuchh tham gaya hai. Din, raat,ghar, bahar, rishte, raaste..sab jagah sannata hai!Lagta hai jaise dhakel dhakel kar din ko raat mein badla aur phir raat ko din mein. saaf neele aakash mein ek baadal bhi nahi. Dhoop ka sunehra ehsaas har taraf hai par phir bhi kuchh chahal pahal nahi, jaane kahaan dubak ke baitha hai jeevan.
Jaise kisi rishi muni ka shraap ho aur Shri Raam ka intezaar, ki kab ahilya ko pair lage aur use jeevan daan mile.
Jab ye sannate ki chaadar hategi tabhi kaafile ka haal maaloom hoga, shayad koi aawaz aayegi.. abhi to bas intezaar hai.. sannata hai!
Hawa bhi kuchh yun chal rahi hai ki kuchh hilta hi nahi..sab kuchh tham gaya hai. Din, raat,ghar, bahar, rishte, raaste..sab jagah sannata hai!Lagta hai jaise dhakel dhakel kar din ko raat mein badla aur phir raat ko din mein. saaf neele aakash mein ek baadal bhi nahi. Dhoop ka sunehra ehsaas har taraf hai par phir bhi kuchh chahal pahal nahi, jaane kahaan dubak ke baitha hai jeevan.
Jaise kisi rishi muni ka shraap ho aur Shri Raam ka intezaar, ki kab ahilya ko pair lage aur use jeevan daan mile.
Jab ye sannate ki chaadar hategi tabhi kaafile ka haal maaloom hoga, shayad koi aawaz aayegi.. abhi to bas intezaar hai.. sannata hai!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Amma
Aapne ek baar mujhse kaha tha,"kisi bhi rishte ko bahut seriously mat lena'..jab aapne kaha tha tab theek se nahi samajh payi thi par aaj shayad behtar samajhti hoon. Rishte kuchh ajeeb hote hain na, seriously le lo to kabhi kabhi kaid kar lete hain aur na lo to hum doshi ho jaate hain.
Ab ghar se door aksar aapke saath bitaaye waqt ko yaad karti thi. Aapke anek kisse kahaniyan, woh vanasthali ki mauj masti, bikaner ke that baat, maa se nonk jhonk..aapne apne jeevan ke kai rang mujhe dikhaye. Un rangon se maine aapko kuchh aur jaana. Meri mala japti, shlok budbudati amma mein hamesha ek chulbuli shaitaan ladki thi, jisne zindagi se lad jhagad kar, apni sharte manwa hi leen theen. Ghar ki badi hone ke naate sabhi zimmedaariyan bakhoobhi nibhayin. Aatmanirbharta ki jis raah ko bachpan mein pakda tha us par apne kadam kabhi na dagmagane diye.
Pichhle dinon jab aap hospital mein rahin to main roz sochti thi ki jaane aapke man mein kya chal raha hoga. Andaaza hi laga rahi thi ki aap bhagwan se bas yahi maang rahin hongi ki mujhe paradheen mat karna. Aap baaki assi saal ki boodhi auraton se kahin alag theen. Umra ab jhurriyon mein jhalakti thi, haddiyan dukhti bhi theen, par un aankhon ki chamak aur buland aawaz mein woh shaitaan ladki ab bhi rahti thi. Mujhe pata hai aapne jee jaan se apne shareer ko khada karne ki koshish ki hogi. Par ye bhi jaanti thi ki aapko zindagi apne sharton par chahiye thi, kisi aur par nirbhar hona aapko katai manzoor nahi hoga. Aur shaayad yahi hua, aapne jab dekha ki ab shareer saath nahi de raha to aapne use chhod dena theek samjha.
Aap aksar hamaare laakh rokne ke baawajood bas ye kah kar hardwar laut jaati thin ki, " beta, zyada din man nahi lagta, mujhe apni gangaji ke paas rehna hai." Amma ye kahaan chali gayin is baar? Sach kahoon to maine aapko baadlon mein khade dekha hai, aap hamesha ki tarah khikhila kar hans rahi ho aur mujhe kah rahi ho, "prachi main to bhaag aayi wahaan se, ab yahin rahoongi".
Amma, pata hai, hamaare is ghar mein din bhar khoob achhi dhoop aati hai. Maine aksar socha hai ki aap yahaan aaogi to aapko maza aayega. Amma... aana zaroor.
Ab ghar se door aksar aapke saath bitaaye waqt ko yaad karti thi. Aapke anek kisse kahaniyan, woh vanasthali ki mauj masti, bikaner ke that baat, maa se nonk jhonk..aapne apne jeevan ke kai rang mujhe dikhaye. Un rangon se maine aapko kuchh aur jaana. Meri mala japti, shlok budbudati amma mein hamesha ek chulbuli shaitaan ladki thi, jisne zindagi se lad jhagad kar, apni sharte manwa hi leen theen. Ghar ki badi hone ke naate sabhi zimmedaariyan bakhoobhi nibhayin. Aatmanirbharta ki jis raah ko bachpan mein pakda tha us par apne kadam kabhi na dagmagane diye.
Pichhle dinon jab aap hospital mein rahin to main roz sochti thi ki jaane aapke man mein kya chal raha hoga. Andaaza hi laga rahi thi ki aap bhagwan se bas yahi maang rahin hongi ki mujhe paradheen mat karna. Aap baaki assi saal ki boodhi auraton se kahin alag theen. Umra ab jhurriyon mein jhalakti thi, haddiyan dukhti bhi theen, par un aankhon ki chamak aur buland aawaz mein woh shaitaan ladki ab bhi rahti thi. Mujhe pata hai aapne jee jaan se apne shareer ko khada karne ki koshish ki hogi. Par ye bhi jaanti thi ki aapko zindagi apne sharton par chahiye thi, kisi aur par nirbhar hona aapko katai manzoor nahi hoga. Aur shaayad yahi hua, aapne jab dekha ki ab shareer saath nahi de raha to aapne use chhod dena theek samjha.
Aap aksar hamaare laakh rokne ke baawajood bas ye kah kar hardwar laut jaati thin ki, " beta, zyada din man nahi lagta, mujhe apni gangaji ke paas rehna hai." Amma ye kahaan chali gayin is baar? Sach kahoon to maine aapko baadlon mein khade dekha hai, aap hamesha ki tarah khikhila kar hans rahi ho aur mujhe kah rahi ho, "prachi main to bhaag aayi wahaan se, ab yahin rahoongi".
Amma, pata hai, hamaare is ghar mein din bhar khoob achhi dhoop aati hai. Maine aksar socha hai ki aap yahaan aaogi to aapko maza aayega. Amma... aana zaroor.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
weaning
26th August 2007
It will be a month tomorrow since I have been away from home, the longest ever in my life. I still live in a sense of surrealism where none of this actually my life..(as Joydeep Roy says in 15 park avenue),it seems like I have entered someone else’s reality and imagine the irony I have entered that very Joydeep Roy’s reality!! I feel like I am on one of my work trips out of Delhi and this surely is not a permanent state of being. But last night’s melodrama at a family gathering was a shot in the stomach to throw me off the cliff..like one of those Alice in wonderland falls… the next bang came today when I realized that mom-dad have left behind Manas at Calcutta. They are on their way to the airport to fly to our home...where we will no longer be found. They will come to an empty house with those same familiar walls. The yellow of our bedroom will I suppose still call out to them with the same lethargy as we did… My family today is in three different places and very soon the third will be even further away with the yellow walls staring in disbelief…
It will be a month tomorrow since I have been away from home, the longest ever in my life. I still live in a sense of surrealism where none of this actually my life..(as Joydeep Roy says in 15 park avenue),it seems like I have entered someone else’s reality and imagine the irony I have entered that very Joydeep Roy’s reality!! I feel like I am on one of my work trips out of Delhi and this surely is not a permanent state of being. But last night’s melodrama at a family gathering was a shot in the stomach to throw me off the cliff..like one of those Alice in wonderland falls… the next bang came today when I realized that mom-dad have left behind Manas at Calcutta. They are on their way to the airport to fly to our home...where we will no longer be found. They will come to an empty house with those same familiar walls. The yellow of our bedroom will I suppose still call out to them with the same lethargy as we did… My family today is in three different places and very soon the third will be even further away with the yellow walls staring in disbelief…
as i walked away from home
6th August 2007
Walked back home (the new home) today trying to absorb the city or get absorbed in its crowd...was partly successful… the city of dreams has its own sense of alienation and amalgamation.. I have taken a big leap of faith and have moved away from home and everything else that I have ever been familiar with… I don’t know if this is that one move which will shape my life. It may or may not be but I know for sure this will shape the person I will be in the coming years..undoing a lot of what I have been till now..
Its strange how freedom is such an illusion...it comes with a deep deep sense of responsibility…
Walked back home (the new home) today trying to absorb the city or get absorbed in its crowd...was partly successful… the city of dreams has its own sense of alienation and amalgamation.. I have taken a big leap of faith and have moved away from home and everything else that I have ever been familiar with… I don’t know if this is that one move which will shape my life. It may or may not be but I know for sure this will shape the person I will be in the coming years..undoing a lot of what I have been till now..
Its strange how freedom is such an illusion...it comes with a deep deep sense of responsibility…
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